Why do I feel torn between who I was and who I’m becoming?
You’re following Jesus… but some days it feels like two versions of you are fighting for the steering wheel.
One part of you wants God, peace, truth, and growth. Another part of you still remembers the old coping, the old reactions,
the old cravings, the old anger, the old fears, the old “survival self.”
This page will help you understand why that tug-of-war happens, how to walk it out without spiraling into shame,
and how Jesus builds a steadier identity over time.
- Quick comfort: the battle itself is not proof you’re fake — it’s often proof you’re alive.
- You can be genuinely saved and still be retraining your mind and habits.
- The goal isn’t “never feel tension again.” The goal is to learn how to follow Jesus inside the tension.
A lot of people expect the Christian life to feel like constant victory-energy. But Scripture is honest: there is real warfare inside a believer — not to condemn you, but to teach you how to walk in the Spirit.
- If you’re afraid you aren’t saved: How can I know I’m really saved?
- If condemnation is crushing you: Conviction vs Shame
- If you still feel broken inside: Who am I in Christ when I still feel broken?
- If your emotions swing hard: Emotions Questions
This “torn” feeling has a biblical name
The Bible doesn’t pretend you instantly become a robot after salvation. It tells the truth: there is a real conflict between the flesh and the Spirit.
— Galatians 5:17 (KJV)
That verse is not hopeless. It’s a map. It explains why you can love Jesus and still feel internal resistance. It also shows you that the conflict is not “your identity is fake” — it’s that two directions are now competing.
— 2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)
Important: “New creature” is real. But your mind and patterns often need time to be renewed.
Why the “old you” can still feel loud
This tug-of-war usually comes from a mix of spiritual and practical realities. Some of the “old you” is sin nature and temptation. Some of it is learned survival and nervous-system training. Some of it is shame trying to rewrite your story.
Even when they’re destructive, they’re known. When stress hits, your brain reaches for what it practiced for years.
Peace, patience, confession, boundaries, calm honesty — these can feel “weak” at first because you didn’t live that way before.
It says: “See? You’re still the old you.” It uses your struggle as a verdict instead of a training ground.
Jesus might change your heart fast, then retrain your habits slowly, then heal deeper roots over time.
That’s why it can feel like: “I’m new, but I’m not new.” Your spirit is made alive in Christ — and your mind is being renewed.
— Romans 12:2 (KJV)
What this tug-of-war can look like in real life
People describe this tension in different ways, but it often shows up like this:
- You have sincere desire for God… then a sudden pull back toward old comfort or old sin.
- You feel peace in prayer… then your mind hits you with accusations or fear.
- You do well for a stretch… then one bad day makes you feel like everything was fake.
- You genuinely changed in some ways… but certain triggers still flip you fast.
- You feel grief for the old life (even if it was destructive) because it’s what you knew.
— Galatians 5:16 (KJV)
Notice: the answer is not “try harder to be perfect.” It’s walk — step by step — in the Spirit.
Jesus doesn’t call you back to the old you — He trains you into the new you
The enemy’s strategy is usually one of these: tempt you when you’re weak, then accuse you when you fail. Jesus does something completely different: He calls you into truth, helps you repent, and keeps building.
— Philippians 1:6 (KJV)
That verse means you can stop living like your story depends on one emotional moment. God is not improvising with your life. He’s building.
And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.”
— Ephesians 4:22–24 (KJV)
“Put off” and “put on” tells you something important: you are not helpless. In Christ, you have authority to refuse the old pattern and choose the new path — even if it feels hard at first.
A simple plan when you feel torn today
When that “two versions of me” feeling hits, you don’t need to panic. You need a calm, repeatable response that keeps you in the light.
- Name the moment: “This is the flesh vs Spirit tension.” Naming it stops you from treating it like a surprise emergency.
- Separate identity from impulse: temptation is not your identity. intrusive thoughts are not your identity. feelings are loud — but they don’t get to be the judge.
- Bring it to Jesus quickly: “Lord Jesus, I’m being pulled right now. Help me walk in the Spirit.”
- Choose one clean next step: step away from the trigger, open Scripture, take a short walk, drink water, text a safe believer, do one obedient action that matches the “new man.”
- Refuse shame: if you fell, confess quickly and come back. If you didn’t fall, thank God and keep moving.
— 1 John 1:9 (KJV)
Real talk: confession is not a humiliation ritual. It’s a door back into the light.
If you’re getting slammed with condemnation (“You’re not saved, you’re doomed”), anchor here: Conviction vs Shame.
How the “new you” gets stronger over weeks
Most people think maturity feels like “never feeling pulled again.” But maturity usually looks like: the pull gets recognized sooner, resisted sooner, confessed sooner, and healed deeper over time.
One verse, one prayer, one honest surrender. This is how the mind renews.
tired, lonely, stressed, ashamed, bored. Patterns love darkness and surprise. Wisdom brings light and planning.
sleep, food, boundaries, and reducing chaos. The Spirit leads you — and wisdom supports you.
isolation feeds the old life. one solid believer and one honest conversation can break a week of darkness.
If your battle connects to addiction loops or repeated temptation spikes, that overlaps with: Habits, Addiction & Sin Patterns.
Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”
— James 1:2–4 (KJV)
Note: “Perfect” here is about being made mature and whole — not being “never tempted.”
When this feels bigger than you can carry alone
Sometimes “I feel torn” includes trauma symptoms, panic, severe depression, or compulsive spirals. Needing extra support is not failure. It can be part of healing.
If you want prayer or guidance and you’re not in immediate danger, you can reach out here: Reach Out.
A simple prayer when you feel torn
Lord Jesus, I feel torn inside. Part of me wants You, and part of me feels pulled back toward old ways. I refuse condemnation, and I ask You for help. Renew my mind. Strengthen me to walk in the Spirit. Teach me to put off the old man and put on the new man. Heal the roots underneath my reactions. Lead me step by step. In Jesus’ name, amen.